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The 9 Worst Cocktails in History

The 9 Worst Cocktails in History

The resurgence of craft cocktails is kicking and swinging, thanks to the many bars across the country that are recreating drinks from years past. The movement has brought back some delicious classics — the Manhattan, for starters — but also some terrible oddities that a normal drinker could never stomach.

Click here to see The 9 Worst Cocktails in History Slideshow

At this year’s Manhattan Cocktail Classic, renowned mixologists and historians — Philip Duff, David Wondrich, Angus Winchester, Steve Olson, Audrey Saunders, John Frizell, and legendary Dale DeGroff — bemused the worst possible drinks that the craft cocktail movement has brought back to life. Or, as they say, should not be resuscitated from the dead.

Some are terribly old, and weird— we're sure the Bath Cure and the Snowball have slowly faded into obscurity (we hope) — and others are controversial, i.e. The Pickle Back. The French Martini raised disgust from all ends of the spectrum, with Saunders claiming she judges anyone for ordering one at her bar, Pegu Club.

And while one food writer, Charles H. Baker, left his indelible mark on gross drinks, so has legendary writer Ernest Hemingway. They are, as the panelists called them, the "axis of evil mixology."

No matter what, we sure won't be ordering these at the bar anytime soon. For a sampling of the worst cocktails that should remain in history books, click ahead.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.


9 Recipes From the Saddest Cookbook Ever (Tested)

One day, not long ago, I received a package that contained something I'd drunk-purchased from Amazon many weeks ago and had promptly forgotten about:

"Hahahahaha! That's the best book title in the history of everything! Who would ever buy such a depressing thing?" laughed I, the person who had just purchased a copy. And then, grim realization dawned. In a move that had seemed hilarious at 1 a.m. on a five-whiskey Thursday night, I had acquired this book to try out its recipes for a column.

I don't want to do this. I really don't. There's still a fine corner office in the Cracked building that no one can use because its ventilation system carries the feverish gibbering of the last guy who we made test old-school recipes from the sub-basement storage room that he has shaped based on the image of the strange grocery gods that now speak through him.

On the other hand, I did spend $15 on this thing, so fuck it -- here we go.